I realise that there is a point of view that beauty is only skin deep, that marriage is about more than just looks. However, I would like to solicit views from Quorans based on their first hand experience about what it actually feels like to have a beautiful wife. It would be great if people married for longer period of time also share how they felt about their wife’s beauty as their relationship matured over the years. Thanks!
There is one important answer that is quite underrepresented – social status
We have loads of cues to judge the social standing of a stranger – clothes, manners, speech, confidence. Each of these can be easily imitated, so we subconsciously combine the “scores” on each when we form our opinion after a new encounter. An attractive wife is a single tell-tale sign that the individual is of high worth in one way or another, a sign that is very hard to fake.
This has been confirmed many times by both objective evidence and my personal observations. This BBC piece
features some interesting insight about attraction between blind people:
… a blind friend of mine fell completely head over heels in love with a girl he thought the world of. They started dating. He talked about her all the time and, as mates do, he stopped going down the pub and started to prefer homemade meals and a nice bottle of wine with his loved one.
I remember him saying how much he liked her soft voice and her perfume. They had similar politics, liked the same films, read the same books – a match made in heaven.
Then, his brother met her, unpleasantly told him she looked “a right dog” and my friend dumped her.
So it turns out that blind people too value appearance! Having eye candy for yourself is clearly not the only motive to go after beauty – it might not even be the most important one.
In my personal life I’ve found it an immense advantage to have a hot girlfriend. At company events, an attractive partner almost certainly gets you noticed by managers. When I was looking for a flat to rent in Germany – something as hard as getting a job – I was getting more responses after I started bringing her with me to interviews. There are lots of other anecdotal examples. I’ll probably get more upvotes if I post her picture here as others have done but let’s not turn this into a who-has-the-hottest-partner contest.
I think the general consensus is that hot chick married the geek.I can’t think of any benefits it has conferred on me, aside from getting to look at her, which is lovely but not the main thing I like about being with her.We have many couple friends, of varying degrees of attractiveness, and I can’t see any major distinctions between them — or between them and us — due to the attractiveness of the wives. Especially not after years of marriage. When a marriage works, you’re in a partnership with your best friend. I’m lucky enough to be in that situation, and looks don’t really enter into the equation.
My wife isn’t a supermodel, so it’s not like we get out of speeding tickets and get better seats at restaurants due to her looks. Maybe I’d feel differently if that was the case.
There are certainly been a few adventures: laughing at men that have come onto her (though I’m sure that would have happened if she’d been less attractive) and one notable time when a photographer asked her to pose topless in public. She agreed. That was an interesting experience, watching random guys whip out their cameras and snap photos of my half-naked wife. [Note: a few people asked for more context about this: see http://www.quora.com/Marriage/Wh…]
[I also removed a tasteful photo (just my wife from the back, nothing showing) that as getting some inappropriate attention. *Sigh.* This is why we can’t have nice things, kids.]
But none of those experiences mean much day-to-day. We rarely think about them.
On a day-to-day basis, we’re deciding what movie to watch on Netflix, planning an upcoming vacation, fretting over our taxes, cleaning our apartment, complaining about our jobs, etc. I can’t see how looks would affect any of those things.
This question is about benefits, and I hope I answered it: having a pretty wife to look at and getting into some adventures.
There are a few negatives, the main one being that my wife has gotten a lot of attention for her looks over the years, and now she’s getting older. She is, perhaps, having a harder time aging than a less-attractive woman would have, though maybe I’m wrong about that, because I don’t have any experience being married to a less-attractive woman.
I’ve always been pretty invisible, and I generally like it that way, as I’m an introvert. My wife is an extrovert, and she’s having to get used to young guys paying less attention to her than she once got. She’s a brilliant, funny, talented woman, but I know it’s still hurtful. I see the pain she’s in, and it hurts me too. Aside from paying attention to her and letting her know how beautiful she is to me, there’s little I can do. I can’t turn back the clock. That’s hard.